girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
