Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
