Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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