I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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