What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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