the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
