its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the raccoons are back...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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