This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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