I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The uberlube is also flammable
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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