I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
