i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
