you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
