Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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