Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
