Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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