The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
