So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
