so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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