Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
