I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
