Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
