lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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