Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So vagazzling was a success
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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