I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
