What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well you can't waste a boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
