Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
