i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
