just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
