I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
