Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is the high leading the old right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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