allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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