i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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