My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
