And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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