I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
