Betty ford says i'm here all night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
