Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
