is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
