he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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