Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
