she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
