I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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