if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
