Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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