He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
