it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize