nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
