Betty ford says i'm here all night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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