I love black thongs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they're like a gay fantastic four
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
