he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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