I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i can run in heels then i can drive
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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