Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
