I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
