Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
