I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
