yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
