Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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