You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
