they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
