is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
