Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
