I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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