Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
