margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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