Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
