Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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