she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
