When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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