there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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