i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
