tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
