I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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