I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
