People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize