I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
