Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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