Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
