when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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