I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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