FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
