he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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