Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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