Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
