ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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