The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
