just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
