you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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