I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize