Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
