just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
