I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
