Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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