Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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