When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
