So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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