I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
