I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
