Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
