and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
