Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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