Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize