the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
