Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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