At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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