just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
