I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
