I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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