You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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