By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you inspire me to be a worse person
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
