that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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