yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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