dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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