so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
