Actions speak louder than pants.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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