My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
