Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
