Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
