Who wears a wallet chain?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
