i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
